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Men On Planes

Air travel, no matter how ‘60s and glamorous we want it to be, is usually marked by hassle, discomfort, and weird people.  We all have those stories about people on planes, right?  And since putting together a high-flying mag like Ruffle sometimes requires us to get on planes, we thought we’d take this opportunity to provide some (totally not sexist) tips on how to enjoy a flight while seated next to a strange man.  

Try these tips to contend with weirdo guys in-flight.

Rent a Sumo suit.  It’s the only way you’re going to get your fair share of space when sitting next to a dude on a plane.  No matter his actual size, he believes himself to be (worthy of taking up as much space as) an NBA superstar; that’s why he must spread his legs into your space.  A Sumo suit, though it may cause some trouble in the security line, will give him a little something to contend with.

Sneak some glass shards past the TSA.  When you board the plane, squiggle out a bit of glue and sprinkle them on the armrest.  Many men’s arms are incapable of being folded across their chests at will (or in consideration of others’ personal space), so you’ll need all the help you can get.  Sure the glass shards won’t gain you any actual access to the armrest, but hey.  You never had that anyway.

Take fashion notes from Lady Gaga or Edward Scissorhands.  Crazy shoulder apparati or various spikes will give your neighbor man a nice little wake up call when he falls asleep and slumps toward you (make no mistake, he WILL fall asleep and slump toward you).  Remember, always dress to distress.

Go ahead and spring for the two-dollar headphones the flight attendants are stumping.  If you’re seated next to a man business traveler, he will be a loudtalker, and God knows you’ll need something to drown out that incessant barking.  (Sir, we get it!  You’re in a position of authority that you feel may be slipping away from you, so you feel the need to assert yourself at every opportunity and especially in front of strangers in close quarters!  Now shh.)

Bring your laptop.  Should all of these measures fail to ameliorate your flight when seated next to a male stranger, you can always flex your creative muscle by brainstorming tips for how to deal with him while he’s blissfully passed out next to you.

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One Response to “Men On Planes”

  1. so funny

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